MICHELE FLAMER
The host of the Living Out Loud podcast, a vibrant and inspiring voice within the LGBTQI+ community!
A colorful soul whose warmth, authenticity, and fearless spirit have touched countless lives. As a devoted mother, loving girlfriend, and passionate advocate, she embodies what it means to live with courage, compassion, and purpose. Her presence is both uplifting and magnetic, reflecting a life shaped by resilience, self-discovery, and a genuine commitment to creating meaningful connections.
As the host of the Living Out Loud podcast, Michele has created far more than a show; she has built a welcoming space where honesty is celebrated, vulnerability is embraced, and every story has the power to inspire. Living Out Loud is a platform dedicated to courage, truth, and belonging, inviting listeners into heartfelt conversations exploring identity, love, personal growth, and the many paths to living authentically.
THE INTERVIEW
1 - Dezert Light: Where were you born, and what are some of your earliest memories of growing up there?
Michele Flamer: I was born on Sheppard Air Force Base in Wichita Falls, Texas. I remember spending time with our sweet Irish setter, Rosie, who was born the same year I was. We moved to Los Angeles when I was around 4 years old. My early memories really started there with friends around my neighborhood in Sherman Oaks. I enjoyed ding-dong ditch and just being outside with my friends. Life truly began here for me.
2 - Dezert Light: What’s your zodiac sign?
Michele Flamer: Aquarius.
3 - Dezert Light: Looking back at your younger self, what do you wish someone had told you about being a lesbian, growing older, and embracing authenticity?
Michele Flamer: I’m actually really fortunate that I have the Mom I do. She had gay friends – as it was Los Angeles – so I never really heard anything derogatory growing up. I was always able to be my true self. No one needed to tell me anything. At 13, I had the privilege of attending the Lee Strasberg Theater Institute right in the middle of West Hollywood (WeHo). It was during the AIDS crisis, and many of my acting friends were gay. We’d get to walk down the street and eat lunch at some amazing gay spots on Santa Monica Blvd. I literally didn’t realize how that would alter my outlook and allow me to see the gay community from a different lens in those earlier years. I didn’t come out until almost 6 years later at the ripe age of 19. I loved that first year of coming out and being around all of these amazing lesbians who taught me a lot about being my authentic self.
4 - Dezert Light: At this stage in your life, what does success mean to you beyond career accomplishments or public recognition?
Michele Flamer: These days, success to me is being my whole self every day; no matter who or where I am. Success is in my deep friendships and the connection I have with my family; my beautiful, queer teenager; and the love I’m building with my partner, Liz.
5 - Dezert Light: Life inevitably brings heartbreak, disappointment, and unexpected detours. How have those difficult moments shaped the woman you've become?
Michele Flamer: I truly believe that in the muck, the messy middle, the dark nights of the soul, we have two choices: to not grow or to grow through it all. I prefer the latter. Growing through adversity is how life shows up. Two things can be true. We can suffer, and we can also experience gratitude. Living in gratitude helps me to stay present. It’s given me the opportunity every day to show up as my best self, despite any setbacks. I love the book, Failing Forward. We will have upsets, heartbreak, and disappointments, but I choose to learn from each experience and take it forward while asking myself, “What’s the lesson?” That has been the difference these past few years from how I responded or reacted 10 years ago.
6 - Dezert Light: As a mother, how has raising a child influenced your understanding of love, identity, and acceptance?
Michele Flamer: Oh my goodness, great question! They are such a mirror for us: the good, the bad, and everything in between. Being a parent is watching your heart walk around in the world, and wanting to protect it from everything. However, learning the balance between guiding and staying curious is one of the most important things. I love being a Mom. Having a kid really pushes us outside ourselves and forces us to learn how to make compromises. Establishing boundaries while also loving something so unconditionally can be hard, but it’s an important skill to have. My child influences how I see myself, and depending on the age, I continue to learn more about myself while they do the same.
7 - Dezert Light: As someone who inspires others daily, who inspires you, and why?
Michele Flamer: Aww, thank you! I’m inspired by nature, and by my “front row.” Watching my friends grow inspires me. I’m inspired when humanity and the gay community stand up for their beliefs, and stand against the injustices of the world.
8 - Dezert Light: If someone listening to your podcast is still afraid to live authentically, what would you say to encourage them to take that first step toward living out loud?
Michele Flamer: Oh, I get a lot of messages thanking me for creating a space for people to know that there are small ways to walk an authentic life. If they are struggling, I tell them to wear something that embodies themselves, or to journal “real” thoughts and make small choices daily that spark authentic joy. For example: calling a dear friend and sharing something from their heart, and allowing themselves to be vulnerable. I learned about that later in life. I wish I had known how to be vulnerable earlier on. Deepening connections comes from sharing our vulnerabilities and our truth. Finding safe spaces to do so will allow you to walk more confidently in yourself.
9 - Dezert Light: What's your favorite fruit, and does it bring back any special memories or represent something meaningful to you?
Michele Flamer: Hmmm… I love all fruit, but none really strike a meaning for me. Maybe papaya or mango, because they strike a love of being in Costa Rica or Hawaii. Fruit seems to taste better in a tropical environment, and squeezing a little lime or Tajín kicks it up a notch.
10 - Dezert Light: Finally, if you could leave the readers of Dezert Light with one message about courage, love, and living authentically, what would you want them to carry with them for the rest of their lives?
Michele Flamer: I think it would be to tap into yourself and try to live in your Earth’s purpose. Get in touch with why you think you are here in this lifetime, and find what fills your soul up when doing it. Living authentically and finding work that never feels like work is a key start. If it gives you energy, rather than depleting you – even if it’s for an hour a week to start – that is a great opportunity to figure out if you can make money off of it. Creating a viable living doing your soul work is what we should all strive for. Life is what we make of it. Why spend so many hours doing something that sucks the life out of you? A soulful side hustle will allow you to play with different ideas that don’t empty out your bank account. There are so many people in the world working to live. I want all people to live to work.
@livingout.loudpodcast